Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
