Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
