OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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