i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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