I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
