she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
