How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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