Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
