Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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