guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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