made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My dick has a subreddit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
