Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
