dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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