I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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