Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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