I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
