Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
