Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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