1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this boner is exhausting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
