I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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