I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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