I'd wear matching sweaters with you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
