Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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