JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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