I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
