We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
