she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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