Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The air was thick with penises
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
