When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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