I got chris browned last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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