Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
