i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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