he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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