I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
