You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
