Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
