i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
