You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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