just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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