he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
