.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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