Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
