I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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