Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
