Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
