Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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