On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
