tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
