totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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