The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
