just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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