everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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